January 7th, 2014, was the day my life would change forever.
In this story I will explain something that has changed me.
***(caution: very emotional topic, something that means a lot to me but I deserve to get it off my chest.) ***
So here we go.
Brandin. My best friend for 3 years suddenly turned into my boyfriend. From the outside it seemed like a glorious nine months, (I know, may not be a long time, but when you fall in love with your best friend it doesn’t take long). It seemed to have been the all time, perfect, out of no where relationship, that everyone dreamed of. Little did we all know, it would go spiraling down hill (like most high school relationships simply do), but if you were in the same position, you’d leave too.
I’m not going to lie to you guys, he cheated on his ex girlfriend. Even more reason for me to expect him to cheat on me too, I guess. It wasn’t even the fact that he cheated on me. Let me break it down for you. The first time wasn’t really cheating. He snapchatted one of my friends and asked to have sex. (Might I mention that was the same week I found out I had mono, so I couldn’t see him for a couple weeks). He managed to make me feel guilty for being sick and not spending time with him. He made me feel as if I were the one that did wrong, simply for being so sick I couldn’t move out of bed with out my liver and spleen being in so much pain. My worst mistake I believe I have ever made, was staying with him for another six months, because things only got worse.
When I fell in love with my best friend, you do everything with them. You unconsciously disconnect yourself from any of your other friends, and family. Once you realize is, it’s too late because all you have left is your best friend/boyfriend, you cant loose anything anymore. You can’t loose everything important.
Further into the relationship, I started to realize I didn’t want to stay the night at his house any more. I didn’t feel safe there. Do you know how horrible it is to tell your boyfriend you don’t feel comfortable being around him. Because I stayed with Brandin after his first “mishap” he got more controlling of me. He realized I wouldn’t leave easily. Always made me feel guilty. He mentally and emotionally abused me. Told me he was all I could get. That he was the best thing in my life. That I couldn’t do any better. He would tell me I needed him. That life wouldn’t be worth living if he wasn’t in it. Honestly, life wasn’t worth living when he abused me like this.
Brandin raped me for at least 6 months of out relationship. It started out simply he made me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex. As time went on and I started to put my foot down more and more that’s when he started to get more eager. As time went on I saw how unhappy I was getting, but it was like an addiction. I was addicted to the apology, and how things seemed to have been better, for a second at least.
I do not think of myself as a victim. I do not think of my self as a survivor either. It’s just something that happened, and now I have to learn from it. Learn why allowed for it to go on for so long. Learn to not allow that to get it that far. Learn how I should properly be treated, and how I shouldn’t be treated.
Since Brandin, I’ve been more careful about who to get close to, but I’m not afraid to share my story. I want others who are starting to notice something is different in their relationship, that something might seriously be wrong, even if it seems minor now. If you allow them to have even the slightest power of you, and they keep pushing for more while you just keep allowing it to happen, before you know it you’ll be making excuses for them. Don’t let your unhappiness get to the point you feel the need to make excuses for anyone. Please.
I don’t believe Brandin could get seriously physically abusive. I do know he got to emotionally abusive, and that’s just as bad, subtracting the actual marks.